


Oh, Me? I'm Just Grey

by rexi808



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Neutral Ending, No Smut, Original Fiction, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-10 06:38:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12906261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rexi808/pseuds/rexi808
Summary: August recalls his sexual assault and other memories while currently being in a group for victims. He is supported by his boyfriend Porter, as he tries to cope with the past event that changed his outlook on life and how he goes on with it.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [A dear grey friend of mine](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=A+dear+grey+friend+of+mine).



“My name is August,” The group greeted him by name in unison, “I’m 23 years old, I live over in the Sunnydale district like most of us here. And I-” He trailed off a bit. Dante, the group organizer chimed in.  
“It’s okay, you’re in a safe place. Go on?”   
“I was raped seven months ago.” Dante nodded his head, and other twiddled their thumbs or looked down, almost in shame.   
“Thank you August. Now that we’ve finished introductions let's start with exercises.   
They did many therapeutic exercises that made the group feel momentarily okay. After they all left they felt the same. All reminded of their horrific traumas. Especially August.   
This was his first time to the meeting. It was suggested by a psychologist, but he was persuaded by Porter, his boyfriend.   
August was in school friends with Porter during high school and they never really bothered to connect outside of school even after graduation. It was a mere Facebook friend request on Porter’s part that brought them together again.  
Since their departure from the Hell that was grade school, Porter had ‘found himself’ as he likes to call it. He likes to say that the door to the closet could only be unlocked after 20 years of gameplay. Unlike August who unlocked his door at age 13.   
Not only did they differ in their sexual realizations, they differed in lifestyle. After high school Porter went off to college studied in business and marketing. His dream was to own a coffee shop. August lived in the Sunnydale district which said a thousand words for those in their town. The residents of Sunnydale were that of lower class- to say the least. August couldn’t afford college even if he wanted to go which he didn’t. His plans were to survive.   
Surviving did not necessarily include that of a relationship, but it came along. Porter texted him and asked if he was busy later that day. August’s first thought was we haven’t talked in three years and you want to what…. Go on a date?  
Still, he accepted, and they met up at a nice barista on the “good” side of town. After a couple hours of small talk, more dates, and many late night phone calls, they made it official.


	2. Chapter Two

“Today we are going to do something that may be hard for those who are new here. And if you aren’t comfortable with it that is perfectly okay. When you are pointed to say five words at most to the person who caused your being here the last word being their name. Now, I understand this seems weird and uncalled for to those new here. However, these words and including their name makes them a human. This is to help show that they are not above you and the other words you may use is for your personal feelings.”   
Some people said their fucks and yous and named out their perpetrators. Others wished death. August zoned out and reminisced on this day last year.   
He and Porter outside in the freezing cold making snow angels next to each other. They were supposed to be on their way to Porter’s house to eat dinner with his family. The snow angels felt like a necessity. If they didn’t make them, the night wouldn’t have went on. Without Porter rolling over from his angel mark to over August and kissing him. Without letting each other warm each other physically and on the inside, the world would have ended. In that moment, however, the world did not end, it maybe even slowed down.  
On their way to the family get together, they swung their arms back in forth in merry movements.   
“Who would have thought, I the most handsome, wonderful, intelligent, and amazing Porter would have fallen in love with a SlummyDale official.” They both laughed and August raised his eyebrows.   
“You tack a couple adjectives on yourself that-uh…. Are a bit off bud.” He says jokingly. Porter pushed his shoulder lightly and they giggle their way down the iced streets until reaching their destination.   
Dante gestured, “August?”   
August raised his eyes from the floor he didn’t realize they were planted to. He stared at the other group members for a short while, then at Dante and spoke.   
“Jim.”


	3. Chapter Three

Today’s topic was family. People shared their stories, their experiences. Some family shunned them. They had broken their family because they sent poor ol’ uncle Charles to prison. Some grew closer with their family, them being afraid to lose them.   
When August thought of family he thought of his mom and Porter. August’s dad passed away when he was really little, and his mom was never close with her family.   
On Christmas day of last year Porter finally got to meet August’s mom. It had taken a much longer time than expected. He had to wait for the right time. August had to make sure Porter didn’t care about his financial situation, his neighborhood, and if they really wanted to last.   
August gave the casual preparations for when his friends ever met his mom.   
“She’s on a diet so don’t bring up food…. Don’t say anything about politics she will hate you…. Laugh at her terrible jokes…. Don’t ask any casual thing that has to do with settling in she wants you to feel at home without needing to try.” Porter acted like he was taking notes like the dork August knew him to be.   
August’s mom had also been in the dating seen for a bit, and now she finally felt like she reeled in a good one. He was also over almost like a double date. This would be August’s first time meeting him.   
They entered silently and kicked off their shoes by the door. In the living room, lit by the same Christmas lights as last year, and the year before, and before, and before.   
“Hi baby!” His mom kissed him on the cheek. “Oh and this must be Porter! Awe-I’ve heard so much about you!” She hugged him as if he were in the family for years.   
A bit of a heavier set man awkwardly stood up from the couch with a cheesy dad-like smile. His mom turned around and back to them.   
“Oh- right!” She ushered the man forward. “This is my boyfriend. August, Porter, meet Jim.”   
“Hi there.” He said and held out his hand. August shook it.   
“Nice to meet you.”


	4. Chapter Four

Today was the day that we brought in someone with us. Some brought a parent, some a friend, a sibling, another family member, or their significant other. August brought Porter, naturally. A woman was talking to the group while sitting with her mother.   
“It has been really hard to get through the healing process. Some days I didn’t know if I’d make it, but I got through it. Of course, with the help of my mom and the good, powerful, God watching over me and my family.” August spoke out at her.   
“Clearly, considering we are all here, if there is a god up there he either good or powerful. Definitely not both.” People in the room dropped their jaws along with the pair who made their statement.   
“Excuse me?” Porter squeezed his boyfriend’s hand and gave him a look that told him to stop.   
“Nothing. I apologize. Go on.”   
The squeeze of Porter’s hand took him back to when he told him what happened to me. He had walked to Porter’s house in the blazing heat of May after it had happened. It took him about twenty minutes. He was stuck in my thoughts and pain while walking.   
It was my fault. Maybe I shouldn’t have went there? Maybe I said yes somehow and I didn’t know? He definitely didn’t mean to hurt me. No. He did. He definitely did… Right? I probably deserved it either way. No. He raped me.  
Those thoughts plagued August’s mind until his arrival.  
Once he saw Porter’s face August broke down into his arms as he caught him. He asked him what was wrong, holding me closely waiting for his sobs to become comprehensible. Porter eventually guided his partner to the couch to console him. Porter squeezed his hand tightly and told him he could talk to him.   
August told him detail by detail what happened. Porter shed a few tears, but stayed strong as August could not. He listened to every syllable and cry that came out of the broken man in front of him.


	5. Chapter Five

“He got off easy. A goddamn heart attack. Some shit right?” August spoke to the group. Jim had died the day after last weeks group session.   
“Would you have preferred capital punishment?” August laughed at the notion.  
“I don’t think you understand.”   
“Enlighten me.”   
“He shouldn’t have died. He didn’t deserve death. Death is a sweet release compared to the Hell he would have received as he rotted in a prison cell. However, I suppose I can’t have all things I want. He gets to go off early. Before even getting his due diligence served to him. An eye for an eye. He deserved to suffer as I have to”  
The case was heavily weighing in August’s favor. With his video testimony, the rape kit, and Porter’s testimony, Jim would definitely have been convicted. Thirty years with no chance of parole. August would have preferred a life sentence, but that wasn’t going to happen. Porter wanted a death sentence, that wasn’t going to happen either.   
While in jail, awaiting for the trial to continue, he had an unexpected heart attack.   
“Lucky bastard.” August said to his mother after she notified him. She understood. She knew what August meant, without him even saying. She held August and he cried into her shoulder for the third time since the night it happened.  
August continued in the group.   
“The case was abated by death. Meaning they stopped it because that motherfucking monster felt like he had the fucking right to get out of this. He didn’t have the right. To get off easy, to ruin my life, to leave what was supposed to be his punishment.” August was sobbing in his chair now. “He had no fucking right. None.”


	6. Chapter Six

“Let the records show it is June 23rd 12:33 pm. Please state your name and then go on with the details of what happened that day. In as much detail as possible.”   
“It was May 17th- of this year- obviously. And I had walked over to my mom's house. I wanted to plan a surprise party for Porter whose birthday was a couple weeks later-”  
“Please state who Porter is for the record.”   
“He's my boyfriend. For about a year now. Anyways- I walked to my mom's house and I went inside. I called for my mom but she didn't answer. Instead Jim did.”  
“And what relation does Jim have?”   
“My mother got engaged to him in late March of this year. He told me that my mom was out at the grocery store and just left, but he suggested that I wait there for her. And I did.”  
“And why did you?”  
“Well it's my mom's house? I grew up there. Wasn't really a problem for me. I sat on the couch for like ten minutes when he sat next to me. He made small talk about sports and the weather. Then he asked me about my sexuality out of the blue. How I knew I was gay, if I had experimented as a teen, who/how/when. I avoided his questions and just said that I just knew. And be put his hand on my leg and asked if I was sure, and if I had seriously not experimented. I swiped his hand off and said I was sure and he grabbed my hand quickly. I told him that I'd just come back later and stood up to leave. That was when he pushed me down onto the couch. I tried to stand up but he put all of his weight on me. And he is a lot bigger than I am. I was wearing pajama pants so it was easy for him to pull them down. He told me if I didn't go through with it he'd kill my mother and then do what he was going to do to me to Porter. So I stopped moving. And he raped me. I-Im sorry. Do I need to say more there?”  
“You're fine- could you say what you did after?”   
“After he was finished with me he told me not to tell or his threat still applied. And I left. I walked to Porter's and eventually told him what happened. He called the police and told them of the situation then immediately called my mom and told her to drive straight to his house. And then the police arrived, took me to the station, performed a rape kit, took statements, and that is that.”  
“Thank you for your honesty and courage to do this.”  
“No need to thank me. I'm no hero. Actually, very far off in this situation.”


	7. Chapter Seven

August was finished with the group by the anniversary of the event. Come the anniversary he chose to stay with his mother and Porter at the apartment the two boyfriend's now rented together.   
They all talked about their feelings on the situation. More the two on the outside of it. His mom spoke of how she couldn't believe the man she fell in love with and wish she wouldn't have went to get groceries and that she could've stopped him, or seen his ways before hand. She often talked about all of this, and August reassured her that she shouldn't blame herself. That it was the fault of monster who did it.   
Porter expressed his anger at the so called “man” who hurt his dear bestfriend, and boyfriend. He expressed that he wish he could have been the one to kill him and that the world was terrible and cruel.  
August couldn't say much to any of that. August expressed his feelings and me talk stability as of the time being. Which, was better. Not great, or even good, but better.  
He even took a job up at a store which was across the street from the cafe that Porter worked at. Porter wanted first hand experience before trying to start his own business. Plus, money was an issue.   
In the month of October 2018, August was asked to come back to the group for one more visit, sort of as a check up.  
“I'm glad you took me up on the offer.” Dante said with a smile.   
“Of course.” August saw a couple familiar faces, very few though. Most people don't stay for this long.   
“Introduce yourself please?”  
“Hi, my name is August, I'm 24, and I was raped last year. I was in the group, but left and was asked to come back for today. So yeah.” He took a seat.   
“The first thing we are doing today is expressing ourselves and feelings in ways other than usual ways. First we will do colors. For example, I’m Dante and I feel green.” He started to point to people as he usually does. Red, blue, green, black, clear, yellow, brown, purple. Lots of blacks. Dante pointed to August.   
“Oh me?” He wavered a bit. “I'm just grey.”


End file.
